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Hate Mail???

Believe it or not, we editors at Guitar One magazine receive personal letters every once in a while, either from concerned readers wishing to correct what they believe to be an error we printed, or to thank us for addressing/covering a subject that's close to their hearts. In the past, these types of letters would be forwarded to me (see FAN MAIL) by Guitar One's “in house” editors based in New York.

Interestingly, once I started my web site, instead of “hard copy” versions of letters forwarded to me, I started getting e-mails from some of these folks directly. These pickers were pretty cool, most of the time...

Well, on 4 January, 2003 I received what could only be regarded as “hate mail” from a guy who was pretty peeved over Guitar One's annual “Best Riffs of (insert year),” a feature I've written (to date) in celebration of the years 1999, 2000, 2001, and 2002.

Below, I've copy/pasted his entire e-mail, as well as my response, followed by his final e-mail. (All are posted verbatim—typos and all.) Hopefully y'all find it as entertaining as I did!

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Received via E-mail on 4 January, 2003 (8:15:54 AM)
Subject “Best Riffs of 2002” (appeared in Guitar One's FEB/03 issue)

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(Begin Rant:)

I want to begin by saying that I make it a point to run to L.A. Hilton (music store) in Latham Circle Mall, Latham, NY every month to pick up your magazine and read it cover to cover. I download the mp3's, convert them to audio, and practice the riffs and progressions every month. The fact that you provide the mp3's for free, such invaluable articles pertaining to the theory behind the riffs and progressions, and entertaining articles with world-class musicians makes your magazine a monthly learning experience.

And what I learned from the "Best Riffs of 2002" is that either Dale Turner is tone deaf, has bad taste, or is kissing the ass of the MTV/Much Music scene. Earlier in the year, your magazine included an article that pointed out the future rockers and guitar heroes, and none of these young men showed on this list. Instead, I see Queen of the Stone Age's "No One Knows", which just happens to be called (by my local circle): the "Barney's Theme" of rock and roll. What simplistic, mindless tripe. It sticks in your head like a parasite on the brain, but it has no redeeming qualities. Is it any surprise that most of these riffs come from MTV friendly bands with high CD sales? I smell brown lips on Dale's face.

How about some guitar riffs that catch -- not attach to -- the mind? Has Dale listened to the opening riff to "Who's Your Daddy?" from Tobey Keith, "Somebody Like You" from Keith Urban, or "I'm Gonna Miss Her" by Brad Paisley? No, because they're not on MTV so Dale couldn't find them while he was watching television, eating pizza, and drinking beer to do research for this article.

If we are lead to believe Dale, there were no "relevant riffs" in Blues, Country, Jazz, Fusion, or other genres.

P.S. After reviewing Dale's credentials (http://www.intimateaudio.com/who_dat.bio1.html), I wonder how someone so widely studied and practiced could have written something so narrowly focused and uninformative.

(No Name Given)

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My Response sent via E-mail on 4 January, 2003 (7:26 PM)
Re: “Best Riffs of 2002” (appeared in Guitar One's FEB/03 issue)

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(Response to Rant:)

In a message dated 1/4/03 8:15:54 AM, jwxxxxx1@xxxxx.com writes:

<< I want to begin by saying that I make it a point to run to L.A. Hilton (music store) in Latham Circle Mall, Latham, NY every month to pick up your magazine and read it cover to cover. I download the mp3's, convert them to audio, and practice the riffs and progressions every month. The fact that you provide the mp3's for free, such invaluable articles pertaining to the theory behind the riffs and progressions, and entertaining articles with world-class musicians makes your magazine a monthly learning experience.>>

Thanks, so far... I've enjoyed Guitar One probably as much as you have (more, judging by your comments below) since I began writing for them regularly waaaaay back in 1996.

Does that mean you actually burn the MP3s to CD for jamming? That's pretty cool! I record all of those here, at my house with the Line 6 POD Pro. Tom Kolb and I play 'em all. Wish I had access to that kind of stuff when I was a young'un.

<<And what I learned from the "Best Riffs of 2002" is that either Dale Turner is tone deaf, has bad taste, or is kissing the ass of the MTV/Much Music scene. Earlier in the year, your magazine included an article that pointed out the future rockers and guitar heroes, and none of these young men showed on this list. Instead, I see Queen of the Stone Age's "No One Knows", which just happens to be called (by my local circle): the "Barney's Theme" of rock and roll. What simplistic, mindless tripe. It sticks in your head like a parasite on the brain, but it has no redeeming qualities. Is it any surprise that most of these riffs come from MTV friendly bands with high CD sales? I smell brown lips on Dale's face.>>

I choseth not the riffeths we runneth. They were chosen by others (various editors, chart rankings, as well as reader requests); I just write about 'em. Thanks for giving me a sound thrashing though!

<<How about some guitar riffs that catch -- not attach to -- the mind? Has Dale listened to the opening riff to "Who's Your Daddy?" from Tobey Keith, "Somebody Like You" from Keith Urban, or "I'm Gonna Miss Her" by Brad Paisley? No, because they're not on MTV so Dale couldn't find them while he was watching television, eating pizza, and drinking beer to do research for this article. If we are lead to believe Dale, there were no "relevant riffs" in Blues, Country, Jazz, Fusion, or other genres.>>

You obviously enjoyed writing that! Thanks for pointlessly trashing I guy you know nothing about. Can I watch you as you attempt to do your job?

Your points certainly would've been taken more to heart—and respected—had you avoided the following pointless remarks, not that they need to be recapped:

"Dale Turner is tone deaf, has bad taste, or is kissing the ass of the MTV/Much Music scene"

"I smell brown lips on Dale's face."

"No, because they're not on MTV so Dale couldn't find them while he was watching television, eating pizza, and drinking beer to do research for this article."

I love beer and pizza on occasion, but the last thing I'd ever combine the two with would be watching MTV. Hate it. Don't need it. Maybe I'll watch VH-1 though...

You can get your whole point about being bitter re: the LAME state of MTV—and current music trends, in general—by putting more thought into your words. On those two subjects, I happen to agree wholeheartedly, though I don't outwardly hate all new bands; we cover only the coolest "new" ones, I think. And everyon'es tastes are different. Every form of music has SOMETHING redeeming about it—at the very least, serving as a constant reminder for what you'd prefer NOT to play for the rest of your life. At least our mag has more variety than any other, IMHO. You can always find someting cool and informative, I reckon. (There's always something in the mag that either focuses on country, jazz, or blues—or any cmbination thereof.) Maybe we'll do a KILLER COUNTRY RIFFS feature in the future...

<<P.S. After reviewing Dale's credentials (http://www.intimateaudio.com/who_dat.bio1.html), I wonder how someone so widely studied and practiced could have written something so narrowly focused and uninformative.>>

Thanks for at least going the distance to research who you're trashing beforehand. I actually appreciate that. I can only assume that you've bothered to check out the rest of my site.... Perhaps not? Maybe then you'd get a clearer picture of what my brown-lipped, pizza-eatin', beer-swillin', MTV-watchin' self is about.

I'm going to post your letter in the "fan mail" section of my site, 'cause I actually dug it! I laughed my ass off, as did all those who I forwarded it to. Chill out a bit; you'll enjoy life much more in the long run. TRUST ME! I hope you don't smoke too...

Also, for you to pigeon-hole me so thoughtlessly with the above comments indicates to me that you've not actually read the magazine much—or at least glanced at the authors name to see who wrote stuff you actually dug over the course of however many issues you've read. Not that any of us EVER needs to be patted on the back...

And you'd probably save more dough if you subscribed, not that you need to hear that.

Anyways, thanks for taking the time to write, as painful as it was to read (*sniffle*). But I guess that's what you wanted to do: Hurt mah feelins.

PS: I got a sheetload of free guitar lessons on my site (w/TAB, standard notation, and MP3s), if you feel the need to supplement your Guitar One stuff.

http://www.intimateaudio.com/psycho_licks.html

PPS: If you feel the urge to write me back, I'll only respond from here on out if you write stuff that isn't personally offensive. I don't have time for that stuff—who does? Otherwise, have a nice life!

All the best,
Day Ool Turner

http://www.intimateaudio.com

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His Response to Mine, sent via E-mail on 5 January, 2003 (6:40 PM)
Re: “Best Riffs of 2002” (appeared in Guitar One's FEB/03 issue)

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(Response to My Response:)

Replies between your lines... Look for *** . By the way, no offensive stuff. Peace, brother...

<< I want to begin by saying that I make it a point to run to L.A. Hilton (music store) in Latham Circle Mall, Latham, NY every month to pick up your magazine and read it cover to cover. I download the mp3's, convert them to audio, and practice the riffs and progressions every month. The fact that you provide the mp3's for free, such invaluable articles pertaining to the theory behind the riffs and progressions, and entertaining articles with world-class musicians makes your magazine a monthly learning experience.>>

[Me:] Thanks, so far... I've enjoyed Guitar One probably as much as you have (more, judging by your comments below) since I began writing for them regularly waaaaay back in 1996.

Does that mean you actually burn the MP3s to CD for jamming? That's pretty cool! I record all of those here, at my house with the Line 6 POD Pro. Tom Kolb and I play 'em all. Wish I had access to that kind of stuff when I was a young'un.

*** I'm not exactly a "young 'un". I started programming waaaay back in 1978, and I retired from the U.S. Navy in 1999. I have been playing guitar since 1969/70 and my first concert was Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon" tour in Montreal, Canada.

So, why do I do all of this work? I don't think anyone can know it all about playing guitar. Plus, all of those years I spent playing primarily rythym(sp) so I'm really just getting into playing more leads. Add that to the fact that your magazine gives the best tips when it comes to 'off the cuff' lead playing. Any magazine can include tablature for popular songs, but to create monthly tips on how to play several styles of music within a band and solo is a lot more work. I would NEVER stop getting GuitarOne just for that reason. I include a lot of variations on G1's themes in my solo act as well as in my band (Second Nature). Every month, I go to G1's site, download the MP3's, stick a CD-R in the drive, and create an audio disk. I max out at 99 tracks per CD (that's a limitation within the code of reading/writing any CD), so I only put one month's worth on each disk. Then I put the disk in my stereo in my mock home studio and jam along. It's like getting a free lesson every month, and there's nothing wrong with that! By the way, I use a Flextone II, so my amp is essentially a POD preamp.

Sometimes, our 'lead' guitarist and I will take turns in songs, and I get people in the audience telling me how well I played and asking where I get inspired to play such bluesy, jazzy, or rocking leads. When I explain I get them from a magazine, they laugh and say, "OK, I guess it's just your secret." I shrug and play on!***

<<And what I learned from the "Best Riffs of 2002" is that either Dale Turner is tone deaf, has bad taste, or is kissing the ass of the MTV/Much Music scene. Earlier in the year, your magazine included an article that pointed out the future rockers and guitar heroes, and none of these young men showed on this list. Instead, I see Queen of the Stone Age's "No One Knows", which just happens to be called (by my local circle): the "Barney's Theme" of rock and roll. What simplistic, mindless tripe. It sticks in your head like a parasite on the brain, but it has no redeeming qualities. Is it any surprise that most of these riffs come from MTV friendly bands with high CD sales? I smell brown lips on Dale's face.>>

[Me:] I choseth not the riffeths we runneth. They were chosen by others (various editors, chart rankings, as well as reader requests); I just write about 'em. Thanks for giving me a sound thrashing though!

*** Sorry about sounding like I fired that volley directly at you. Actually, I did, but in retrospect (that usually happens after I hit the 'send' button) I realized that you probably didn't pick that pile of crud. The unfortunate fact of the matter is that if you pick up a lot of guitar mags over the last couple of months, they've all pretty much got the same bands and guitar players highlighted. This is (probably) a result of the fact that none of the magazines are willing to step over that line and do longer stories on guitar players who aren't in MTV friendly bands. I'm sure you've heard Brad Paisley, Sean Watkins, Travis Tritt, or Keith Urban. Those guys rock the Country Western world on the verge of R&B that was once considered solid Rock and Roll. We all respect Dickey Betts, Duane Allman, Rossington, Collins, Billy Gibbons... but why does someone have to be an obscure blues or jazz guitarist to be considered a real artist outside of the mainstream, MTV rock world?

I realize the idea behind having a guitar magazine is to sell it, or it wouldn't be in business. I also realize that for every great guitar player about which you all write, there are hundreds you couldn't cover. Still, I think if I see another Mudvayne article, I'll have to puke like a sailor on a three-day drinking binge :-) And believe me, I've been on a couple. ***

<<How about some guitar riffs that catch -- not attach to -- the mind? Has Dale listened to the opening riff to "Who's Your Daddy?" from Tobey Keith, "Somebody Like You" from Keith Urban, or "I'm Gonna Miss Her" by Brad Paisley? No, because they're not on MTV so Dale couldn't find them while he was watching television, eating pizza, and drinking beer to do research for this article. If we are lead to believe Dale, there were no "relevant riffs" in Blues, Country, Jazz, Fusion, or other genres.>>

[Me:] You obviously enjoyed writing that! Thanks for pointlessly trashing I guy you know nothing about. Can I watch you as you attempt to do your job?

*** I'm a network technician team leader for Verizon, and a lot of people make the same assumptions about us when they call. The Monday Morning Quarterback is always right. I do apologize, but I really was going for the laugh, not the insult. Again, hindsight is 20/20, if not blurry and tinted a little brown. (That, too was for a laugh.) I do apologize sincerely. ***

[Me:] Your points *** Sincere apologies for those, again. *** certainly would've been taken more to heart—and respected—had you avoided the following pointless remarks, not that they need to be recapped:

"Dale Turner is tone deaf, has bad taste, or is kissing the ass of the MTV/Much Music scene"

"I smell brown lips on Dale's face."

"No, because they're not on MTV so Dale couldn't find them while he was watching television, eating pizza, and drinking beer to do research for this article."

I love beer and pizza on occasion, but the last thing I'd ever combine the two with would be watching MTV. Hate it. Don't need it. Maybe I'll watch VH-1 though...

*** How about VH-1 Classic? At least we get to see Gilmour, Page, Clapton, and Townsend play their licks live. Nothing like stealing, er... copying another guitarist's technique. We could copy the same guys over beer and pizza. I used to live out in San Diego, right in El Cajon(sp) back in '83. As I remember it, people used to ask, "Where is el cah-john?" ***

[Me:] You can get your whole point about being bitter re: the LAME state of MTV—and current music trends, in general—by putting more thought into your words. On those two subjects, I happen to agree wholeheartedly, though I don't outwardly hate all new bands; we cover only the coolest "new"ones, I think. And everyon'es tastes are different. Every form of music has SOMETHING redeeming about it—at the very least, serving as a constant reminder for what you'd prefer NOT to play for the rest of your life. At least our mag has more variety than any other, IMHO.

*** You are very correct about GuitarOne covering a LOT of ground. That's why I was surprised and shocked that ALL of the best riffs of 2002 were in the same vein. It shocked the heck out of me. Believe it or not, I spent a lot of time on that little letter. I was angry about something that I had no control. [No, I don't smoke, I rarely drink, and I've never tried pot or any other illicit drugs.] To be honest, I love Puddle of Mudd, Foo Fighters, and Dave Matthews (do you know a guitar player who doesn't like his stuff?). There is a lot of good, new music, and not unlike the hair-band days of the 80's, the disco days of the 70's, and the psychedelic(sp) days of the 60's, there is cookie-cutter music, teen idols, and simple minded garbage selling millions of copies. Fortunately, those bands rarely get past their sophomore effort, and the greats live on. Who will be the Pink Floyd, Rolling Stones, or The Who of the future? Who knows.

The point where the article really dug into my skin was when "No One Knows" made it. Oh goodness, could there be any song with such a non-melodious riff as that? The only redeeming quality is that David Grohl is playing drums in the video. The lead is easier than the intro to "King Tut" by Steve Martin. [Now, I'm dating myeself.] ***

[Me:] You can always find someting cool and informative, I reckon. (There's always something in the mag that either focuses on country, jazz, or blues—or any cmbination thereof.) Maybe we'll do a KILLER COUNTRY RIFFS feature in the future...

*** I really wish there would be one magazine that looked at killer riffs in C/W music, if in just a 1 pager, like the Acoustic Cafe. You know, I have searched high and low and CANNOT find a guitar magazine that includes any popular country songs in their tabs. Sometimes, you might see a quarter-page write up on Junior Brown or a quick interview with Sean Watkins in an acoustic mag, but that's about it. A whole genre of music that has brought so much joy to so many is left out in the cold. I do see letters to editors throughout the guitarmag world asking for such articles, but I have yet to catch anything of substance. These guys tour hard, play hard, and rock hard, but they don't seem to get the same recognition. I know, I should get my own magazine going, eh?

To be honest, much of CMT is not much different from MTV. Try to vote for a favorite song on the top 20, and you only get 30 songs to pick from. No write in's, of course. Shania Twain @ number 1? That's got nothing to do with what she looks like in that tight outfit. But there is the show, "CrossRoads", where you get to see Kid Rock play with Hank Williams Jr., Ray Charles with Travis Tritt, and ZZ Top jam with Brooks and Dunn. [http://www.cmt.com/cmt/shows/crossroads.jhtml] ***

<<P.S. After reviewing Dale's credentials (http://www.intimateaudio.com/who_dat.bio1.html), I wonder how someone so widely studied and practiced could have written something so narrowly focused and uninformative.>>

[Me:] Thanks for at least going the distance to research who you're trashing beforehand. I actually appreciate that. I can only assume that you've bothered to check out the rest of my site.... Perhaps not? Maybe then you'd get a clearer picture of what my brown-lipped, pizza-eatin', beer-swillin', MTV-watchin' self is about.

*** I actually added your site to my favorites. As I P.S.'d, I went to your site and that was why the focus of the article surprised me evne more. ***

[Me:] I'm going to post your letter in the "fan mail" section of my site, 'cause I actually dug it! I laughed my ass off, as did all those who I forwarded it to. Chill out a bit; you'll enjoy life much more in the long run. TRUST ME! I hope you don't smoke too...

*** I'm glad you got some of the funny out of it, because it was supposed to get to that. ***

[Me:] Also, for you to pigeon-hole me so thoughtlessly with the above comments indicates to me that you've not actually read the magazine much—or at least glanced at the authors name to see who wrote stuff you actually dug over the course of however many issues you've read. Not that any of us EVER needs to be patted on the back...

*** To be honest, I do read the names of the writer, BUT you are right that I have not written any good letters. The last one I wrote, I tore Chris O'Bryne up for his "10 Worst" guitar leads. To your credit, his response was not nearly as eloquent. He wanted me to believe it was all for fun, though (much like my email to you) it didn't read that way. ***

[Me:] And you'd probably save more dough if you subscribed, not that you need to hear that.

*** I am subscribing as we write. I use the purchase as an excuse to get to the guitar store! You know, when you've got a wife, an 8-y/o daughter, twin 2 y/o boys, and a full-time job, there isn't a whole lot of guitar store time. Just grocery store time. Still, as money tightens, I have had to subscribe to all of my guitar mags... ***

[Me:] Anyways, thanks for taking the time to write, as painful as it was to read (*sniffle*). But I guess that's what you wanted to do: Hurt mah feelins.

PS: I got a sheetload of free guitar lessons on my site (w/TAB, standard notation, and MP3s), if you feel the need to supplement your Guitar One stuff.

*** I will take you up on that. You know, you're right about redeeming qualities. Though I don't play jazz or straight Blues in my acts, I do play some of those riffs to warm up or fool around. Though I don't like some of the new stuff, I still try to figure out some of the riffs and leads, because I might be able to peel it out of context, rearrange the sound a little, massage the tone, and use it in some of my own stuff. It's like an artist painting a portrait of a mountain, he looks at God's artwork and tries to make his own of it. ***

[Me:] http://www.intimateaudio.com/psycho_licks.html

PPS: If you feel the urge to write me back, I'll only respond from here on out if you write stuff that isn't personally offensive. I don't have time for that stuff—who does? Otherwise, have a nice life!

*** I hope you do write back, because it's good to have such an accomplished individual (very sincerely meant) as an e-penpal. ***

*** Sincerely, Jxx Wxxxxxx ***

[Me:] All the best,
Day Ool Turner

http://www.intimateaudio.com